My new audio server (Warning: Humor)

[j_e_f_f_g]

I have exciting news for linux musicians everywhere. I'm developing a brand new audio server! This one is going to replace the current audio server that you have been saying you're happy with, and does everything you need it to do. But of course, now that I've announced my new server, all that changes right now, and your current server doesn't cut it as of this very moment, and needs to be replaced. Mind you, my server is in a state of half-completion, but after you hear all the selling points of my new server (and some of them may actually be true), you'll toss away what is working for you now, and climb aboard this wagon-train heading for the cliff.

My server is called "Totally Redundant Audio Server Heaven" or TRASH. Wait until you hear this killer feature. It completely replaces and unifies all the numerous, arbitrarily deprecated audio servers! It contains a jack emulation layer. It contains an OSS emulation layer. It contains a pulseaudio emulation layer. It contains a pipewire emulation layer. And best of all, it contains a systemD emulation layer.

And all of these emulation layers are 100% compatible (except for the features I haven't finished implementing, and don't guarantee will ever be completed or working despite claiming 100% compatibilty upfront).

What? Why emulate systemD you ask? For the same reason all the other emulated servers have themselves emulated other servers. Because I can!

You say systemD is fine as it is, so why does it need to be replaced? It doesn't! But did I mention I can?

Oh I hear the moans of you few complainers in the peanut gallery. You don't want yet another version of systemD. Well then good luck finding a distro that doesn't ship with either the real systemD nor its emulation in my new audio server. Guess you better get used to watching your youtube videos with captions on.

I know there are some of you who are questioning the wisdom/necessity/viability of this, and I have to say firstly, you are bad, nasty people whose views should be censored and attracked. You're being completely unfair to deny me the benefit of the doubt (despite the long history of audio servers being replaced, instead of improved, because apparently each one was crap all along). Please allow me three months to make good on my promises. Better make that six months, I'll need that after my first hack fails to fix the problems. On second thought, make it nine months. Oh hell, I'm never going to finish it before some other developer announces a new audio server that replaces/emulates mine too. So why not just give me until hell freezes over?

Let me tell you some details about TRASH. You know how you spent several months tweaking, tweaking, posting bug reports, tweaking, editing config files, tweaking, applying updates, tweaking, seeking solutions to your problems on LinuxMusicians, tweaking, and tweaking pipewire to get it to perform pretty much exactly the same as your old jack setup (if you're lucky)? Yeah well, all that gets thrown away. You'll be happy to know I'm giving you a whole new set of config files to edit, with all new syntax. And I'm going to place them in the /usr/lib/Reinvent_The_Wheel directory. Because I can! But don't worry. Rui is going to make a new graphical utility to help you adjust (some) of these settings.

In fact, all of us audio developers have gotten together and created a roadmap of future audio servers. We plan to release them at 1 year intervals. That should give you other developers, distro maintainers, and endusers plenty of time to recover from the upheaval from one audio server before we blow it all up again with the next one. Here's our roadmap:

Code: Select all

Today: Pipewire released
      Rui creates qpwgraph
Year2: TRASH released
      Rui creates qTrashCtl
Year3: Throw_Baby_Out server released
      Rui creates qBabyCtl
Year4: Same_Old_Ground server released
       Rui snaps, grabs a gun, and shoots creator of Same_Old_Ground server

Spread the news! Spread the joy! And spread your buttcheeks! TRASH is on the way.

[j_e_f_f_g]

P.S. Matt, do me a favor. Post a link to this for the BSD folks. They deserve a laugh after having to deal with both systemD as well as wayland.

[Largos]

People coming to a linux musicians forum and finding it j____e ____f _____ f __!*# __g's personal role play blog.

[j_e_f_f_g]

Welcome largos! I see you've found, and wiillingly joined my personal role play blog.

I RSVP'ed merlyn, but he hasn't responded... yet.

P. S. The next post. The very next post. HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

[merlyn]

It's kind of lame and not very funny.

[Largos]

Welcome largos! I see you've found, and wiillingly joined my personal role play blog..

It's an achievement for you to grasp at.

[j_e_f_f_g]

It's an achievement for you to grasp at.

But at least I'm grasping at something that isn't going to make me go blind, nor grow hair on my palms.

Please do that in the privacy of your bedroom.

[j_e_f_f_g]

It's kind of lame and not very funny.

That you not only responded to my RSVP, but did so in the affirmative? It's extremely funny. Thanks for playing along. I want to take you onstage with me at a comedy club. You inspire me. (No, I'm not going to pay you any royalties. You're a musician. Get used to it).

[Largos]

It's an achievement for you to grasp at.

But at least I'm grasping at something that isn't going to make me go blind, nor grow hair on my palms.

Please do that in the privacy of your bedroom.

There you go, fantasising about things to do with my genitals again. Are you getting a fixation?

[j_e_f_f_g]

Are you getting a fixation?

I was thinking of it, but first I'd like to hear from someone who's already gotten fixed. What's it like, largo?

[Largos]

I was thinking of it, but first I'd like to hear from someone who's already gotten fixed. What's it like, largo?

I'm not going to help you with your fanfiction.

[nils]

Stuff like this really makes me want to become a forum moderator, or create my own forum.

[j_e_f_f_g]

Stuff like this really makes me want to become a forum moderator, or create my own forum.

Nils, you're going to fork these forums now?? Hsve you no restraint?

<Hands nils some restraints off of his strait-jacket>

But seriously, I started this thread. I marked it as humor. Every one of the people whom we can clearly see have read it (I see your like, sysqrer) knew exactly what he was getting before he willingly and of his own volition chose to read it (as well as reading every other thread I've designated likewise).

If you're going to troll someone, you can't very well complain that you're a victim of being trolled by that person.

BTW, I'm definitely not complaining about my trolls. I love each and every one of them. I've got a whole new set of material from just this month alone. NO ROYALTIES!

P.S. Have you heard about this forum's Foes feature? Check it out on your Control Panel.

[Largos]

Everyone else must adjust These puerile interactions are what it wants. Better that they be on these threads and not ruining other people's.

[j_e_f_f_g]

I'm not going to help you with your fanfiction.

You already have. No royalties!